Yes, I know the last few entries, the blog has taken a dark turn. I have decided to use this year, this 525,600 minutes of this year, between now and my 32nd birthday, to finally confront all of my demons, all of the ghosts of the past. I think it is past time to finally confront them all.
But I promise, they will not be the only thing contained in the blog, there will be the usual ramblings of my mind, the usual issues of submission and surrender.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Perfection....
Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect
~`~Perfect, Alanis Moriset, Jagged Little Pill~`~
You think I don't know the way you look at me from your self proclaimed glass house? You think I don't see the way you look at me, hear your whispers. You think it bothers me when you ignore my friendly wave, or the way you turn away from me, snubbing me when we pass each other in the yard, the way you refuse to acknowledge that I exist? You think it hurts me, that if you do it enough I will change, that I will become more like you? That if you teach your children that I am evil because I choose to stay home with my child instead of INTENTIONALLY choosing to work a shift that will have me gone at night and sleeping when he is home from school? Or because I am involved and won't just sit back and accept the status quo?
Guess what? You don't hurt me with your words or your actions. In fact, I think it i flattering that you take time out of your perfect life to try to force me to be like you. I think it is sad that you are so focused on others that you are not enjoying your kids. If a kid acted the way you do, they would be called a bully. That is what you are, a bully!
I am done trying to achieve the impossible ideal of perfection. I am done trying to live up to what everyone else wants me to be. It really is impossible. I am sorry, but I will not change for you.
Isn't it tiring trying to maintain this perfect persona? Isn't it irritating knowing you will never be good enough to live up to this perfect ideal you have projected for yourself? It must not be comfortable looking down your nose at everyone who doesn't fit into your perfect little world.
You look down on me, you talk about me, you spread rumors, you report my every move to people, all because, for some reason, you don't like me, when I have done nothing to you. I am sitting here, laughing at how petty you are, laughing at how much you just need to be strapped to a fucking St Andrew's and reminded how a woman should feel, how she can come alive. Someone needs to whip that stick out of your ass, quite frankly.
Oh, and while you are sitting there in your perfect little world, thinking I am nothing because my life doesn't live up to yours, remember, my life did not start when I moved here. I have survived stuff of nightmares, I have lived through horrors that would make you blanch with fear. I have tried to live up to the perfection expected of me, and I cracked and crumbled, and I am done trying to achieve others' ideals of perfection.
I know the world is larger than the few states I have lived in, and I have traveled the world.
You are nothing to me, you mean nothing. I am simply scared that you will instill these ideas in your children, turning them into bullies as well. Say about me what you want, what you will, but if you EVER say ANYTHING about my child, if you EVER bring him into your personal vendetta against me, you will see the girl who survived what I have survived with the NYC chip on my shoulder, I promise you that.... So don't even think about it, lady!
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect
~`~Perfect, Alanis Moriset, Jagged Little Pill~`~
You think I don't know the way you look at me from your self proclaimed glass house? You think I don't see the way you look at me, hear your whispers. You think it bothers me when you ignore my friendly wave, or the way you turn away from me, snubbing me when we pass each other in the yard, the way you refuse to acknowledge that I exist? You think it hurts me, that if you do it enough I will change, that I will become more like you? That if you teach your children that I am evil because I choose to stay home with my child instead of INTENTIONALLY choosing to work a shift that will have me gone at night and sleeping when he is home from school? Or because I am involved and won't just sit back and accept the status quo?
Guess what? You don't hurt me with your words or your actions. In fact, I think it i flattering that you take time out of your perfect life to try to force me to be like you. I think it is sad that you are so focused on others that you are not enjoying your kids. If a kid acted the way you do, they would be called a bully. That is what you are, a bully!
I am done trying to achieve the impossible ideal of perfection. I am done trying to live up to what everyone else wants me to be. It really is impossible. I am sorry, but I will not change for you.
Isn't it tiring trying to maintain this perfect persona? Isn't it irritating knowing you will never be good enough to live up to this perfect ideal you have projected for yourself? It must not be comfortable looking down your nose at everyone who doesn't fit into your perfect little world.
You look down on me, you talk about me, you spread rumors, you report my every move to people, all because, for some reason, you don't like me, when I have done nothing to you. I am sitting here, laughing at how petty you are, laughing at how much you just need to be strapped to a fucking St Andrew's and reminded how a woman should feel, how she can come alive. Someone needs to whip that stick out of your ass, quite frankly.
Oh, and while you are sitting there in your perfect little world, thinking I am nothing because my life doesn't live up to yours, remember, my life did not start when I moved here. I have survived stuff of nightmares, I have lived through horrors that would make you blanch with fear. I have tried to live up to the perfection expected of me, and I cracked and crumbled, and I am done trying to achieve others' ideals of perfection.
I know the world is larger than the few states I have lived in, and I have traveled the world.
You are nothing to me, you mean nothing. I am simply scared that you will instill these ideas in your children, turning them into bullies as well. Say about me what you want, what you will, but if you EVER say ANYTHING about my child, if you EVER bring him into your personal vendetta against me, you will see the girl who survived what I have survived with the NYC chip on my shoulder, I promise you that.... So don't even think about it, lady!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I go back....
I awaken in the basement dungeon once again, I was left alone for a few minutes while everyone else was getting something to drink. I run quickly to my pants, which are across the room, and reach into the pocket, pulling out the tablet with the red dot on it and pop it into my mouth, letting the pill take effect. I quickly ran back to the spot I was in when I left. I close my eyes for a moment while everything becomes more vivid. "Ahhhh Mike always has the best stuff," I think to myself as I let the acid take full effect.
I know i am breaking the cardinal rule, mixing what is about to happen and drugs, but, at this point, I don't care, I will be gone in the morning anyway. I hold off on letting anyone see the effect the acid is having on me, waiting until we begin. My friends return, ready, they know what i am here for. I feel my arms being lifted above my head, I am floating already, the pill now fully absorbed, the dust from earlier coursing through my system with it.
I am confident while stoned, I know the person inflicting the coming beating knows my limits, knows what I can take, and will stop if I am too gone to make the call myself. His wife is present as well. My feet are kicked apart and a spreader bar strapped to my ankles to keep my feet apart. The lashes start to reign down, but I don't care, I am already soaring above the Earth. I come back for a brief moment when the clamps are applied, the sharp pinch bringing me back into my body when they close but I am soon looking down on myself in the shackles, chained to a whipping post, being tormented for my own sexual gratification. I scream out, begging loudly for more, more pain, more variety, more places, just more. The pain being the only thing that gets through the haze the acid pick me up has induced.
The whipping becomes harder, faster, more intense as I return to my body. There is a sheen of sweat covering my skin like a thin film caused by the intensity of the whipping. From the haze I hear the person whipping me marvel that I have withstood 150 lashes from different whips, ending with the single tail for the last 25.
The high of the drugs I have taken has been replaced by the euphoric high brought on by the whipping.
I am released from the whipping post and I am a pile of flesh and bones on the floor, my body wracked by the non stop orgasm from the whip. This was more intense than anything I have ever had done to me. It was past cathartic, past healing, past stress relief. It made me remember I was alive, remember why I was leaving, why I HAD to get away.
With that one session, I was reminded how much a person really can feel. All the times it was almost the end, the near death abusive beatings, the almost overdoses, the almost fatal poisoning, they all slipped away, and I had a new resolve to leave, to better myself, to end all the bad.
I stood up, thanked the whipper, said goodbye to him, his wife and his brother, and went to my next stop. On the way there, I needed another pick me up, and popped another red dot into my mouth, letting it melt. I am headed to his house to score for the last time. The next thing I realize, I am strapped to a St Andrew's Cross, almost naked, with my back to him, a fresh pill in my mouth, and a flogger with beads on the ends of some falls landing against my ass and thighs. I do not know which feeling is better, the new acid or the flogging.
With him, I could always mix drugs and S&M. A little packet is offered by my face, I know what it is instantly, even in my fog. It contains just the boost I will need when this is over. A joint is held up to my lips and I take a pull, inhaling deeply, realizing what I just did, and I moan, a deep moan of ecstasy and release as it hits me, as Mike comes up to my ear and growls in that way of his "wanna get wet again?" He confirms what I am thinking as I nod, taking the offered joint between my lips again for another drag on the liquid PCP soaked joint as Mike slips the little baggie of Angel Dust into the pocket of my jeans across the small room.
When he returns, the joint is hanging out of his mouth and he finishes it, the dust hitting his system at the same time as the weed and I feel him grab the back of my panties, ripping them off me. He comes up behind me, pressing himself against my bottom, and I can feel his erection. Why not, I think, its not like i haven't fucked him for drugs in the past, hell, dating your dealer has its advantages, even thought he mainly deals the stuff I don't touch. He drops the flogger, he never could do two things at once, and his knees follow the flogger, hitting the floor a half second after the whip. He gave me what I wanted, what I needed, even after what I had gotten earlier at Mark's, and now he was going to get what he wanted, a mouth full of pussy. I wasn't complaining, I just don't like guys' tongues as much as women's and he really has no idea what he is doing, but I am stoned and really don't care. He uses his lips, trying to get me off, and I take pity on him, faking it to make him think he made me cum, before he got lock jaw or something.
As he stands up, he grabs a condom and rolls it down onto himself. He has a very thin dick which he thinks has been enhanced by the barbell going straight through it. Once the condom is on, he nestles behind me, uncuffing my hands and bending me over the cross, twisting the hoop that runs through my clitoral hood as he slams into me.
With the added effects of the drugs on my system, the sex is ok, honestly, some of the best I had ever had with a man up to that point, but that is probably because it lasts over a minute. He slams into me for over five minutes, over and over again, hard and fast even if it isn't all that deep. With all the excitement of the whipping, flogging, and the drugs, I really don't feel I can orgasm again, so I fake it again, a minute or so after I "finish" he stills, grunts, and cums.
He pulls out and goes into the bathroom to clean up, I collect my clothes and leave before he finishes.
When I get home, I am alone, and i pull out the stash in my pocket and go to the kitchen to get the weed that is kept there, taking the last of it and adding the white powder to it, I roll it into what will be my last joint ever. I step outside and light up, inhaling deeply and enjoying it, knowing I will leave in the morning, saying goodbye to all of this.
I come close to blacking out, probably dangerously close to an overdose. I wake up at the airport, sober, and board a plane to Texas, saying goodbye forever. That was the last time I ever touched an illegal drug, I have been clean for 11 years as of today (April 4th).
I know i am breaking the cardinal rule, mixing what is about to happen and drugs, but, at this point, I don't care, I will be gone in the morning anyway. I hold off on letting anyone see the effect the acid is having on me, waiting until we begin. My friends return, ready, they know what i am here for. I feel my arms being lifted above my head, I am floating already, the pill now fully absorbed, the dust from earlier coursing through my system with it.
I am confident while stoned, I know the person inflicting the coming beating knows my limits, knows what I can take, and will stop if I am too gone to make the call myself. His wife is present as well. My feet are kicked apart and a spreader bar strapped to my ankles to keep my feet apart. The lashes start to reign down, but I don't care, I am already soaring above the Earth. I come back for a brief moment when the clamps are applied, the sharp pinch bringing me back into my body when they close but I am soon looking down on myself in the shackles, chained to a whipping post, being tormented for my own sexual gratification. I scream out, begging loudly for more, more pain, more variety, more places, just more. The pain being the only thing that gets through the haze the acid pick me up has induced.
The whipping becomes harder, faster, more intense as I return to my body. There is a sheen of sweat covering my skin like a thin film caused by the intensity of the whipping. From the haze I hear the person whipping me marvel that I have withstood 150 lashes from different whips, ending with the single tail for the last 25.
The high of the drugs I have taken has been replaced by the euphoric high brought on by the whipping.
I am released from the whipping post and I am a pile of flesh and bones on the floor, my body wracked by the non stop orgasm from the whip. This was more intense than anything I have ever had done to me. It was past cathartic, past healing, past stress relief. It made me remember I was alive, remember why I was leaving, why I HAD to get away.
With that one session, I was reminded how much a person really can feel. All the times it was almost the end, the near death abusive beatings, the almost overdoses, the almost fatal poisoning, they all slipped away, and I had a new resolve to leave, to better myself, to end all the bad.
I stood up, thanked the whipper, said goodbye to him, his wife and his brother, and went to my next stop. On the way there, I needed another pick me up, and popped another red dot into my mouth, letting it melt. I am headed to his house to score for the last time. The next thing I realize, I am strapped to a St Andrew's Cross, almost naked, with my back to him, a fresh pill in my mouth, and a flogger with beads on the ends of some falls landing against my ass and thighs. I do not know which feeling is better, the new acid or the flogging.
With him, I could always mix drugs and S&M. A little packet is offered by my face, I know what it is instantly, even in my fog. It contains just the boost I will need when this is over. A joint is held up to my lips and I take a pull, inhaling deeply, realizing what I just did, and I moan, a deep moan of ecstasy and release as it hits me, as Mike comes up to my ear and growls in that way of his "wanna get wet again?" He confirms what I am thinking as I nod, taking the offered joint between my lips again for another drag on the liquid PCP soaked joint as Mike slips the little baggie of Angel Dust into the pocket of my jeans across the small room.
When he returns, the joint is hanging out of his mouth and he finishes it, the dust hitting his system at the same time as the weed and I feel him grab the back of my panties, ripping them off me. He comes up behind me, pressing himself against my bottom, and I can feel his erection. Why not, I think, its not like i haven't fucked him for drugs in the past, hell, dating your dealer has its advantages, even thought he mainly deals the stuff I don't touch. He drops the flogger, he never could do two things at once, and his knees follow the flogger, hitting the floor a half second after the whip. He gave me what I wanted, what I needed, even after what I had gotten earlier at Mark's, and now he was going to get what he wanted, a mouth full of pussy. I wasn't complaining, I just don't like guys' tongues as much as women's and he really has no idea what he is doing, but I am stoned and really don't care. He uses his lips, trying to get me off, and I take pity on him, faking it to make him think he made me cum, before he got lock jaw or something.
As he stands up, he grabs a condom and rolls it down onto himself. He has a very thin dick which he thinks has been enhanced by the barbell going straight through it. Once the condom is on, he nestles behind me, uncuffing my hands and bending me over the cross, twisting the hoop that runs through my clitoral hood as he slams into me.
With the added effects of the drugs on my system, the sex is ok, honestly, some of the best I had ever had with a man up to that point, but that is probably because it lasts over a minute. He slams into me for over five minutes, over and over again, hard and fast even if it isn't all that deep. With all the excitement of the whipping, flogging, and the drugs, I really don't feel I can orgasm again, so I fake it again, a minute or so after I "finish" he stills, grunts, and cums.
He pulls out and goes into the bathroom to clean up, I collect my clothes and leave before he finishes.
When I get home, I am alone, and i pull out the stash in my pocket and go to the kitchen to get the weed that is kept there, taking the last of it and adding the white powder to it, I roll it into what will be my last joint ever. I step outside and light up, inhaling deeply and enjoying it, knowing I will leave in the morning, saying goodbye to all of this.
I come close to blacking out, probably dangerously close to an overdose. I wake up at the airport, sober, and board a plane to Texas, saying goodbye forever. That was the last time I ever touched an illegal drug, I have been clean for 11 years as of today (April 4th).
Saturday, March 31, 2012
FInally... The Rules
I have been debating myself on how to format this entry, how it would make the most sense. I have also taken a few days to think about it to be sure I have almost all, if not all, of my rules. I didn't really realize there were so many until they were all written down!
I have also been debating how to write this so others would not be intimidated by the sheer number of rules. Before I continue I must state the usual disclaimer about my rules.
**These may seem like a lot and like some of them cover basic things, but I am a full slave, I have surrendered control of everything to Master, the choices I have are only by His permission. My very life is for His pleasure and His approval. Many of the rules I do live by, I have actually imposed or proposed, and He has approved them. Many of the rules, the only penalty for breaking them is simply knowing I let Master down, that I disappointed Him, that I failed to give Him my very best, which is what He deserves, and because He deserves it and has earned it, it is what He demands. There are only two rules with automatic punishment attached to them, and those will be noted when the rule is written here. To me, knowing that I have let Him down by failing to comply with a rule is more of a harsh punishment than anything physical that can be devised. Some of these rules posted here are actually proposals for new rules, some are changes, but most are current rules.**
The rules will be broken down into categories for ease and organization. This in no way reflects order of importance, since all the rules are equally important, it merely breaks them down to make them easier to understand.
In the rule lists, rules with a - before them are current rules, rules with *-* before them are proposed new rules, and rules with *~* before them are proposed changes.
~~Dress, Personal Appearance, Grooming, Etc~~
-Dress modestly with nothing too short, no deep plunging necklines showing off too much cleavage. My body belongs completely to Master and should not be used to tempt others by showing too much skin. Very short skirts, shorty shorts, deep plunging necklines, belly shirts, and too tight tops can also be seen as cheap and "whorish" which is not the image of Master's wife I want to portray. I am His whore, not everyone else's.
-Panties are optional. While dressed modestly, adding a touch of naughty that only I know about serves to remind me of my true place.
-Hair will be kept long and, if colored, no more than 2 shades lighter or darker than natural color.
-When out of the house, I will cover or otherwise hide my hair in some way, even if only a tight bun, saving my hair for only Master's enjoyment.
-Body hair will be shaved or waxed at all times.
-any and all hair on face, including eyebrows, will be kept in an aesthetically pleasing manner.
-Jewelry will be tasteful. Steel collar and three rings will be worn at all times, anything else added will be tasteful but not overbearing. No new piercings will be added without prior permission.
-No tattoos without prior permission
-If makeup is worn, it will be light, tasteful, and not gaudy.
-Contact lenses will only be tinted for ease of finding them, not to change eye color.
*-*I will find the time three times a week to work out for an hour, however it needs to be, wherever it needs to be, I will work out for three hours a week
~~Health, Diet, Well being, Safety~~
(Most rules in this category deal with caring for Master's property, making sure I am well and safe)
-All medications prescribed by the doctor will be taken on time and as directed
-Illegal drugs will not be tolerated under any circumstance. This is one of the two rules with an absolute, no questions asked, "punishment," this infraction will result in divorce papers being served.
*-*While doing the shopping and cooking, I will take health and weight management into consideration, and will only eat healthy snacks and/or fruit and veggie chunks.
- I will not drink to excess even when given permission to drink
*~* I will drink no more than a glass of wine a week, usually on Sunday night, and NEVER when little man is awake.
*-* When driving, I will use a hands free device to talk so both hands can remain on the wheel. I will not text while driving, if Master texts while I am driving, I will return it as soon as it is safe to do so (red light, stop sign, etc) to tell Him I am driving and will respond properly when I arrive at my destination.
- I will go to bed by 10PM and lights out by 11PM unless permission for time changes are given or I am with Master
~~Titles, Public Displays of Submission, Routines, Rituals, NonSexual Misc~~
- In private, I will use Master exclusively
- In public, I will use a respectful phrase or term to refer to Master, always remembering the respect He has earned the role He has and His position of power.
- I will be completely honest with Master about all things, no matter the perceived or imagined consequence of the truth.
- I will ALWAYS be faithful to Master and our marriage vows. This is the second rule that carries an absolute and defined punishment, the same as the other defined punishment.
- The first time Master sits down when He returns home, I will kneel at His feet and remove His shoes and socks
- When in public, I will respectfully defer to Master's decisions without making a scene, silently asking His opinion, at home, His opinion will be asked and obeyed.
- When spending more than $20, I will seek out Master's permission, and tell Him of the final amount spent.
~~Sexual~~
- I will always be naked before Master
- With one word, I will drop to my knees in a position of display, for Master to see whenever He pleases.
- Anything sexual will be done on Master's time, at His command, according to His desire and I will not push myself on Him, but rather let Him decide when and what will be done.
*~*Any desires I have, I will voice them and allow Master to decide if they should be indulged.
-When performing oral sex on Master, I will present my tongue for His pleasure before starting.
-I will never orgasm without Master's permission
-I will have 3 "free nights" where I am allowed solo play or self pleasure. I am allowed to orgasm once during these nights. If I desire any additional nights, I shall ask Master's permission.
-If I desire any kind of physical pain or "punishment" I shall ask Master for it, but accept His decision as final if He says no, knowing He always has my best mental and physical interest in mind.
I have also been debating how to write this so others would not be intimidated by the sheer number of rules. Before I continue I must state the usual disclaimer about my rules.
**These may seem like a lot and like some of them cover basic things, but I am a full slave, I have surrendered control of everything to Master, the choices I have are only by His permission. My very life is for His pleasure and His approval. Many of the rules I do live by, I have actually imposed or proposed, and He has approved them. Many of the rules, the only penalty for breaking them is simply knowing I let Master down, that I disappointed Him, that I failed to give Him my very best, which is what He deserves, and because He deserves it and has earned it, it is what He demands. There are only two rules with automatic punishment attached to them, and those will be noted when the rule is written here. To me, knowing that I have let Him down by failing to comply with a rule is more of a harsh punishment than anything physical that can be devised. Some of these rules posted here are actually proposals for new rules, some are changes, but most are current rules.**
The rules will be broken down into categories for ease and organization. This in no way reflects order of importance, since all the rules are equally important, it merely breaks them down to make them easier to understand.
In the rule lists, rules with a - before them are current rules, rules with *-* before them are proposed new rules, and rules with *~* before them are proposed changes.
~~Dress, Personal Appearance, Grooming, Etc~~
-Dress modestly with nothing too short, no deep plunging necklines showing off too much cleavage. My body belongs completely to Master and should not be used to tempt others by showing too much skin. Very short skirts, shorty shorts, deep plunging necklines, belly shirts, and too tight tops can also be seen as cheap and "whorish" which is not the image of Master's wife I want to portray. I am His whore, not everyone else's.
-Panties are optional. While dressed modestly, adding a touch of naughty that only I know about serves to remind me of my true place.
-Hair will be kept long and, if colored, no more than 2 shades lighter or darker than natural color.
-When out of the house, I will cover or otherwise hide my hair in some way, even if only a tight bun, saving my hair for only Master's enjoyment.
-Body hair will be shaved or waxed at all times.
-any and all hair on face, including eyebrows, will be kept in an aesthetically pleasing manner.
-Jewelry will be tasteful. Steel collar and three rings will be worn at all times, anything else added will be tasteful but not overbearing. No new piercings will be added without prior permission.
-No tattoos without prior permission
-If makeup is worn, it will be light, tasteful, and not gaudy.
-Contact lenses will only be tinted for ease of finding them, not to change eye color.
*-*I will find the time three times a week to work out for an hour, however it needs to be, wherever it needs to be, I will work out for three hours a week
~~Health, Diet, Well being, Safety~~
(Most rules in this category deal with caring for Master's property, making sure I am well and safe)
-All medications prescribed by the doctor will be taken on time and as directed
-Illegal drugs will not be tolerated under any circumstance. This is one of the two rules with an absolute, no questions asked, "punishment," this infraction will result in divorce papers being served.
*-*While doing the shopping and cooking, I will take health and weight management into consideration, and will only eat healthy snacks and/or fruit and veggie chunks.
- I will not drink to excess even when given permission to drink
*~* I will drink no more than a glass of wine a week, usually on Sunday night, and NEVER when little man is awake.
*-* When driving, I will use a hands free device to talk so both hands can remain on the wheel. I will not text while driving, if Master texts while I am driving, I will return it as soon as it is safe to do so (red light, stop sign, etc) to tell Him I am driving and will respond properly when I arrive at my destination.
- I will go to bed by 10PM and lights out by 11PM unless permission for time changes are given or I am with Master
~~Titles, Public Displays of Submission, Routines, Rituals, NonSexual Misc~~
- In private, I will use Master exclusively
- In public, I will use a respectful phrase or term to refer to Master, always remembering the respect He has earned the role He has and His position of power.
- I will be completely honest with Master about all things, no matter the perceived or imagined consequence of the truth.
- I will ALWAYS be faithful to Master and our marriage vows. This is the second rule that carries an absolute and defined punishment, the same as the other defined punishment.
- The first time Master sits down when He returns home, I will kneel at His feet and remove His shoes and socks
- When in public, I will respectfully defer to Master's decisions without making a scene, silently asking His opinion, at home, His opinion will be asked and obeyed.
- When spending more than $20, I will seek out Master's permission, and tell Him of the final amount spent.
~~Sexual~~
- I will always be naked before Master
- With one word, I will drop to my knees in a position of display, for Master to see whenever He pleases.
- Anything sexual will be done on Master's time, at His command, according to His desire and I will not push myself on Him, but rather let Him decide when and what will be done.
*~*Any desires I have, I will voice them and allow Master to decide if they should be indulged.
-When performing oral sex on Master, I will present my tongue for His pleasure before starting.
-I will never orgasm without Master's permission
-I will have 3 "free nights" where I am allowed solo play or self pleasure. I am allowed to orgasm once during these nights. If I desire any additional nights, I shall ask Master's permission.
-If I desire any kind of physical pain or "punishment" I shall ask Master for it, but accept His decision as final if He says no, knowing He always has my best mental and physical interest in mind.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Tired.....
For some reason, I am soooooo tired, I think it is because I did not sleep much last night. I know I have an entry to post, but I am actually seriously considering asking Master is I can go to bed early tonight, as soon as this head ache goes away, lol. Maybe, since it was actually a blog assignment I came uo with and requested to be made into an assignment, maybe Master will be kind enough to allow me to wait to post it until tomorrow.
I have the outline in my head and it is mostly written, just on paper and not on the computer, lol.
I have the outline in my head and it is mostly written, just on paper and not on the computer, lol.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Just thinking/reader input please....
I am doing a lot of thinking lately, in case you couldn't notice, lol. There is something I have never done that I think I may be ready for. I would LOVE to try erotic hypnosis and I really think it would play into Master's love of the mind games and mental dominance.
I would like to do a little more research into it before trying it, maybe read a book on it, get Master's opinion, but I figured I would also get some guidance from my readers, some ideas of what books might be good places to start looking into it, experience, stories, everything.... So do any of my wonderful and faithful readers have any experience in erotic hypnosis?
I would like to do a little more research into it before trying it, maybe read a book on it, get Master's opinion, but I figured I would also get some guidance from my readers, some ideas of what books might be good places to start looking into it, experience, stories, everything.... So do any of my wonderful and faithful readers have any experience in erotic hypnosis?
Wow! Memories!
I mentioned it in an earlier post, but when I was younger, I was involved in some play piercings and needle play. The thing about the needle play that made it safe was that it was done by a professional body piercer. He pierced my tongue, put two holes in my ears, monitored as I gaged my tongue, and put two holes in my clitoral hood. Needless to say, he knew his way around a needle, lol.
We were talking about it all one day as I was watching him do a play piercing piece on his wife's back. I was enthralled at what I saw, the artistic view and the picture he created on her back with nothing more than needles and a makeup pencil to mark the design.
This was the design I watched him create on his wife's back. Yes, there was blood, that is to be expected with needle play like this. She was truly a beautiful, glorious pain slut that night. Needle play of this extent can, and usually does, send the sub into DEEP sub space.
It is beautiful. I have never attempted that many needles, no where near it. But, that night, after talking to my piercer and talking to his wife, who just so happened to be employed by me at that point, lol, I decided to allow it to be done to me. We took it slow that night, only dong the needle play on my arm.
His wife decided to add the ribbons as a way to celebrate my first play piercing. I am not ashamed to admit it, I slipped into sub space, not deep space, but sub space none the less. When this was done, I was at the height of my absolute pain slut days. I found a new interest, a new way to get the pain I craved. This was a long lasting pain, which fed the pain slut even more!
This was the second attempt at piercing, about an hour after it was done, so all the blood that did spill was cleaned off. Getting this done did send me to space but I wasn't n all that deep at this point, probably because of how slow we were taking things. What happened next I do NOT suggest to anyone, I was young, dumb, and in the outer rings of sub space. I was also playing with the man who did the piercings, his wife (who was employed by my professional partner and I and who was also a part time EMT, and my professional partner was in the house, and my Mistress at the time was there as well).
Once all the needles were n place and I was given a chance to settle down a little, to get used to the blissful pain of the needles under my skin, when I was strapped to a St Andrew's Cross. The next thing I knew, I felt the touch of the Violet Wand suddenly, the zap of electricity surged through me, and, no that was not just a play on words.
I will give the readers a moment to let that sink in, I had 36 metal needles in my back, plus all my piercings, and I was being stimulated by the Violet Wand, which, for those of you who might not know, is electricity play.
Yeah, not too smart, but that is not the point, I was as safe as could be in that situation. Again, I do not condone this, it can be lethal!
I still have occasional thoughts about needle and play piercing play.
We were talking about it all one day as I was watching him do a play piercing piece on his wife's back. I was enthralled at what I saw, the artistic view and the picture he created on her back with nothing more than needles and a makeup pencil to mark the design.
This was the design I watched him create on his wife's back. Yes, there was blood, that is to be expected with needle play like this. She was truly a beautiful, glorious pain slut that night. Needle play of this extent can, and usually does, send the sub into DEEP sub space. It is beautiful. I have never attempted that many needles, no where near it. But, that night, after talking to my piercer and talking to his wife, who just so happened to be employed by me at that point, lol, I decided to allow it to be done to me. We took it slow that night, only dong the needle play on my arm.
His wife decided to add the ribbons as a way to celebrate my first play piercing. I am not ashamed to admit it, I slipped into sub space, not deep space, but sub space none the less. When this was done, I was at the height of my absolute pain slut days. I found a new interest, a new way to get the pain I craved. This was a long lasting pain, which fed the pain slut even more!
This was the second attempt at piercing, about an hour after it was done, so all the blood that did spill was cleaned off. Getting this done did send me to space but I wasn't n all that deep at this point, probably because of how slow we were taking things. What happened next I do NOT suggest to anyone, I was young, dumb, and in the outer rings of sub space. I was also playing with the man who did the piercings, his wife (who was employed by my professional partner and I and who was also a part time EMT, and my professional partner was in the house, and my Mistress at the time was there as well). Once all the needles were n place and I was given a chance to settle down a little, to get used to the blissful pain of the needles under my skin, when I was strapped to a St Andrew's Cross. The next thing I knew, I felt the touch of the Violet Wand suddenly, the zap of electricity surged through me, and, no that was not just a play on words.
I will give the readers a moment to let that sink in, I had 36 metal needles in my back, plus all my piercings, and I was being stimulated by the Violet Wand, which, for those of you who might not know, is electricity play.
Yeah, not too smart, but that is not the point, I was as safe as could be in that situation. Again, I do not condone this, it can be lethal!
I still have occasional thoughts about needle and play piercing play.
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